Renewal of Life...Renewal of Spirit
The 10th brings the 2nd
Winter felt long this winter, long and white. The mountains were pounded with record snow. The ski hills started earlier and ended later than they had in ages, and rarely ever in the same season. The days and nights were cold, but not bitterly, it was a fantastic winter. Of course, we spent the winter protecting the egg. As our tenth anniversary approached, we were having our second child. Six full years after having our first and what feels like a decent way into our marriage, we are shakin' it up and taking the long road. Just when our first son was getting to be fairly independent and able to take on chores and reading and math and we saw the finish line of the dependent child flapping in the wind when someone pointed out this is the 800 meter dash, not the 400 meter dash. Evidently, we had another full lap to go.
What can you say when you become a parent but HOLY SHIT! Babies are like a spiritual whirlwind lifting everything around you, tossing it up in the air and giggling maddly as your world comes dropping down around you. You realize that the world doesn't revolve around you anymore. Hardly! It revolves around that new child's food and diapers. You are a mere satelite, not even a big one, wavering around in the cosmos, being pulled by this enormous planet with pretty little rings and a big red eye...the red eye never stops watching, it waits while you are sleeping, ever watchful and ever judgemental. But in between all of this, their are moments that you capture that not only make you a better person just for witnessing, but you get to see the most frail creature you have ever seen and you are the nuturer, giving up being the selfish creature that you are and partnering with your wife to help rear this welp into whatever person he turns out to be. It's a total crap shoot. The only thing you can do is try and stack the deck as much in your favor as possible.
Linda biologically evicted Ciernan from his snug little home of nine months. While I could tell he was very fond of his previous home, we tried to show him his new one. Tanis took to him immediately, wanting to change his diaper, feed him, burp him, hold him, hug him and kiss him and do all those gushy little kid things that make you go "oooOOOoooh." You can't help it, you don't want to be that person that movies and sit coms make fun of. And they are usually shows I can't stand to watch. But children make you do all kinds of messed up things. All parents blame it on the same thing; lack of sleep. I have to tell you, I sleep like a baby. Better! I sleep through the whole night unlike Ciernan who seems to wake up a lot and want to eat and get changed. I never wake up for those incidents so I suspect my bleary-eyed, puffy-faced wife might be making this crap up to make me feel bad.
I stopped working at the office and brought my office home. My company has very graciously allowed me to work from home for the next four years and raise my child. It makes for long days and sometimes it seems that you truly don't get much time off. I work a couple of blocks of time during the day, taking care of Ciernan in between and playing with him. We all have dinner together and then I generally go off and do some climbing, biking or hiking to get rid of the stress of the day and just to get outside the house. Then I work again in the evening until the early morning. It is an unusual twist into my life, but I am really starting to understand and feel a bit of a schedule starting to iron itself out.
Prior to having Ciernan, everyone kept telling us how two children weren't any more difficult than having a single child. I would take an official stance and call Total Horseshit to that statement. The only caveat is that since you already had a child, you understood how much it takes over your life.
Working from home wouldn't be possible without Ciernan. He is an unbelievably easy infant. He is almost always happy. If he is crying it's because he is either tired or hungry. Take a bit of time to take care of this issue and he is smiling and talking again. I take a lot of video of him and Linda and I watch them when she comes home. He is definitely becoming a daddy's boy. Linda has a tougher time with this one because Tanis was all Momma's Boy. Hook, line and sinker. I was just an incidental fat guy who roamed around the house in his underwear, scratching and mumbling and always losing the goddamn remotes. This perpetually confused man was not necessarily a source of comfort for Tanis. It is very different with Ciernan. I feel this connection that isn't verbal, but emotional. I feel attached to his smiles and grins, his bright eyes and long eyelashes. His sounds are like blurry words, I get the main gyst of what he is getting at, but there is always room for interpretation.