Lake of the Woods
Elevation: 4693 Feet
We all got together for the first time in several years on Memorial Day, 2004 in Klamath Falls, Oregon. This is where we had all gotten to be friends, so it was fitting to have a nice, small reunion. The only person missing from the group of idiots known as the "J-Team" is the Dabster, Mr. Daryl Bernett himself.
As teenagers, we had shown a complete disregard to intelligent and responsible thought. It was like the Terrence and Phillips comes out in us as we begin to reduce our intellect to a level that most southerners would look up to. Once we get more than two of us together, the dumb-ass factor begins to grow exponentially as we get larger. So, we are eight times worse with four of us than just two. I call this the shithead multiplier, and it is very, very real. Ask our wives. Any of them.
Point in fact, these idiots are jumping into freezing cold water when it wasn't even that warm outside. Notice you don't see me. This is a planned non-action. Before the plunge, all I heard was ceaseless crap and needling from Joe, part of his nature we all love and adore. Not unlike mine own.
After plummeting through the water, all I heard in between clicking teeth and full body-shudders was words like "cold," "freezing," "idiots." Jay eventually started swimming around saying it wasn't too bad and stayed in a while. Joe stopped talking and just did laps with his daughter on his back, unable to speak through locked jaw muscles clenched in the futile attempt to get warmer.
The children didn't fare much better, though all of them tried the water, which is more than what I did. But...I stayed warm...and dry...and smart. Something that Joe pointed out was somewhat true. He explained, in a fatherly voice, that what I had done was actually very smart, but chicks don't dig smart, they dig guys being dumb, filled with testosterone and willing to do anything. So, in essence, I was a big lick who wasn't going to be getting any. I am not sure he is so incorrect.